Respond or React?

Hello friends,

I’m a little late writing this month, I hope you’ll forgive me!

I want to talk about being triggered.

That word- triggered- its ubiquitous. We hear it everywhere now: “I feel so triggered!” But what does that really mean? I’m not sure that we’re all using it to mean the same thing!

I should start by saying that I’ve been building it into my resilience training sessions recently. I think it fits well, because actually, being ‘triggered’ refers to an external event which activates our sympathetic nervous system, causing us to have a strong emotional reaction. Actually, this is the same set of actions that we use to describe the function of our stress response- the fight, flight, freeze (or fawn) process.

Whilst professionals might refer to ‘being triggered’  being linked to events, memories or feelings associated with actual trauma, the everyday person is referring to ‘being triggered’ as a synonym for entering their stress response (their fight, flight or freeze). And some people are weaponising their experience of being triggered to hold other people responsible for how they feel.

Still with me?

Here’s some examples that I’ve been given by HR teams I’ve worked with recently.

Team Member X has been under-performing for some time. Her Manager has been supporting her but is concerned that there is a capability issue. She has followed due processes and has decided to give X a personal development plan to build in more tailored support, and this obviously needs monitoring more closely than other members of the team. There is no suggestion that the Manager has done anything wrong in how she has supported X but now that the PDP has been mentioned, X has filed a grievance against her manager, saying that she feels she is being singled out, her manager is “on her back” and she feels triggered by the amount of attention, which she feels is unwarranted.

Team Member Y, is given feedback during their annual appraisal that they need to improve time management, as they have repeatedly missed deadlines, causing knock-on delays for colleagues. The feedback is delivered constructively, with offers of support and training. Y responds by saying they feel triggered by being “criticised” and that the organisation is creating a hostile environment. They request that their manager refrains from offering further feedback unless it is “positive.” In reality, there’s no evidence of harm or unreasonable behaviour from the employer, Y is experiencing a stress response to being held accountable, not a trauma trigger caused by organisational wrongdoing.

So what can we do about it?

As individuals, when we feel triggered, it's really important we pause and ask ourselves: is this a genuine threat, or is this my stress response being activated? Is what’s happening actually harmful, or is it simply uncomfortable because it challenges me or highlights areas for growth? Discerning this difference is part of our personal responsibility as adults navigating the workplace.

As managers, when an employee says they feel triggered, it’s important to respond with empathy, while also staying grounded. Ask yourself: Has anything genuinely harmful happened here, or is the employee’s stress response being activated by a reasonable workplace request or challenge? Your role is to listen, offer support where appropriate, and ensure the organisation continues to meet its duty of care. However, it is not your role to take on responsibility for managing someone’s emotional reactions to fair feedback, accountability, or everyday workplace pressures. Balancing compassion with clarity helps create a culture that is both kind and robust.

Of course, people can and do have trauma responses to things. Many of us carry invisible wounds, and certain situations may understandably stir up old feelings or reactions. But unless an employer is actively causing harm, failing in their duty of care, or engaging in behaviours that breach workplace policies, it’s rarely the organisation’s responsibility to prevent staff from feeling triggered. Instead, workplaces can offer compassionate support and reasonable adjustments, while individuals do the inner work of managing their own nervous systems.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Have you seen this dynamic play out in your workplace? Hit reply and share your reflections with me. Alternatively, if you’d like to explore this more deeply, lets book a chat to see how I can help your workplace have some of these difficult conversations