How do you handle challenges?
Hello friends,
I flew back to the UK on Wednesday night to take my son to get his GCSE results on Thursday morning.
He did well- passed all 10, mostly with the equivalent to Bs and B+ and a few Cs. (I refuse to use the number grades, which don’t mean anything to me!). However, he needed 6 subjects at grade B+ and he only had 5, which means that he can’t stay at his school for 6th Form, and he was devastated by this.
We spent the morning running between schools, trying to enroll him into his second choice, where we were thwarted by long queues, subjects being filled, and high criteria for specific subjects; adding to his despondency and the third choice, were we had a really positive experience talking to all the staff we encountered, including the Assistant Principal, who validated him on his grades (which I think he really needed to hear!).
But here is what I shared with him yesterday, and is what I wished someone had told me at 16! To be fair, I was always happy with my exam grades BUT from a young age, I put way too much stock in “achieving”. In fact, for most of my life, my self-worth has been tied up with how productive I am, or my qualifications. Its only in my 40s have I really taken a step back to reflect that my worth is not measured in qualifications, or how much I can achieve or how much I can ‘do’, but instead understand that my worth is measured by a myriad of other things.
So here are the lessons I shared:
Exam grades don’t measure your intelligence.
Exam grades don’t measure your worth as a person.
Exam grades only measure the quality of your study techniques (your revision methodology and your exam performance) and to some degree, perhaps your ability to remember and recite information. This can, and will, change on different days at different times!
Life will have set-backs and disappointments- that’s totally normal. Its what you do afterwards that really matters. Can you learn from it? Can you use it to grow? How do you handle yourself in the middle of a disappointment? These are more important.
There is always room for a Plan B!
You are so loved. With GCSEs or without. They are completely irrelevant.
Now, a reflection for us at work-
Our job doesn’t measure our worth as a person. If this triggers a little resistance, then you particularly need to hear this.
Not getting that exciting project, the promotion we wanted, or the job we applied for, is not a measure of our intelligence. In fact, maybe not getting an interview for the job we applied for is merely a reflection of our application-writing technique (or that they had someone ring-fenced anyway!). This is something we can change if we want- we can get help to improve if we put ourselves out there and seek to improve.
Life will sometimes be disappointing. How do you handle yourself when you’ve received a setback? Are you proud of yourself for how you handle yourself in challenging times? Are you looking after yourself or turning to self-sabotaging behaviours or unhealthy coping strategies?
Maybe the Universe has other plans for you- and these may be even better than what you had been focusing on. Do you want to chat to someone about what your options might be?
You are so loved. Your existence on this planet is enough. You are enough.
If any of these questions feel a little challenging, don’t worry- I can help you figure out what that is about, and how you can use it! Click on the link below or give me a shout. I got you.
